Level-Up: Part 33
It has been a strange week. It’s been a week defined by the most terrible brain fog, which is an impossible thing to explain if you’ve never experienced it. It makes you question your judgement on even the tiniest things. It makes you forgetful and disconnected. It makes you think you must be turning a bit stupid. I don’t think I sent a single text or WhatsApp message without it including a collection of dreadful typos I didn’t notice until after I’d hit send.
For me, that loss of mental strength seems to impact on my physical stamina too, and vice versa. I once read persistent vestibular disorders described as having to walk on a tightrope 24 hours a day. It takes immense concentration just to stay still, so the effort is both physical and mental. For the first time, I had very little inclination to fight the fog. That’s probably a good thing, because nothing makes it fuzzier than the frustration of not being able to blast a clear path through it with sheer will alone. The best thing to do is rest and let it pass. Still, for the girl who feels the need to rail against pretty much everything, there were moments where my lethargy scared me.
I asked a lot of people during the first half of the week. Too much, I felt. So I scaled back my social media engagement. I didn’t want to inflict myself on other people or ask them to carry me. Whether I really was irritating folk as much as I thought I was or if it was just my perception is hard to say. Maybe I was just annoying myself. But I figured Twitter could do without me for a while.
By Thursday I still hadn’t been for a walk, but I was determined that I would go and vote in the European Parliamentary Elections. Not only would it be the first time in years that I’d walked to the polling station by myself, but also, well, let’s just say that you should never underestimate the power of Nigel Farage’s rubbery grin to make me move my arse, vote against UKIP and keep them firmly out of power! Considering how short the distance to the polling station was (literally to the primary school around the corner and back) it was a difficult one. I made sure I cast my vote though.
I felt the itch to head back out again on Friday, but a week of heavy thunder storms had the air feeling so thick you could have sliced it with a spoon. I was persuaded that the extra oppressive air pressure and torrential rain wouldn’t make me feel any better. I stayed home and worked instead, checking every email 10 times for typos, of course. By yesterday morning the weather was no better, but I knew I had to do my regular walk no matter what. I was starting to dread it. It’s worrying how quickly your confidence dips and I could feel mine slipping. I was soaked through and had to abandon my umbrella for the sake of carrying my first coffee of the week. But I did it and it reminded me that just because the normal things get difficult sometimes, they’re never as far from my reach as I think they are.
Every Sunday I record my health achievements and discoveries for the week here. To find out why I decided to start doing this, you can read an explanation in the first post of the series here.